Sibling rivalry is a fact of life in every family with more than one child. Humans are competitive by nature, due to our natural survival instinct, so it’s nearly impossible to completely prevent it. Learning how to deal with it can keep it to a minimum.

Rivalry between brothers and sisters usually begins when a younger sibling becomes self-aware to the point that he realizes he is not confined to doing things according to his older sibling’s designs. As the younger child tries to express his own self-will, a competition ensues among the two in order to determine who will be the leader. A certain amount of this is fine, as it teaches children the give-and-take of the real world. But it should never be allowed to escalate to physical or verbal abuse. Sibling rivalry which gets out of hand can be reduced if parents follow a few simple guidelines.

First, don’t fall into the habit of comparing your children or labelling them. They are already struggling among themselves for dominance, so to hear that parents think one is smarter or better behaved simply adds fuel to the fire. Your children should all be treated as equally as possible within the framework of their individual personalities, and their individuality should be praised.

Spending dedicated time alone with each child is also a good idea. It shows him that he is valued for who is, minimizing his perception that he needs to be like his siblings in order to be accepted. A child who is comfortable with himself is much less likely to be caught up in rivalries.

Finally, encourage individual interests and hobbies in your children. When you hit on those one or two things that really capture a child’s attention, he’ll have no need to compete in a family power struggle.