Every day I hear the same whining song: ‘Emma has one, so why can’t I?’ ‘Olivia got one when she was seven’; ‘Chloe’s mum says she needs it to make sure Chloe is okay after school.’ Yes, of course, we’re talking about cell phones and the right age for kids to start owning them. With all the marketing campaigns directly targeting youngsters these days, it’s hardly surprising that our eight year olds feel they are missing out on life if they don’t own their own cell phone.

I can sympathise with Chloe’s mum, but I can’t see the need for a properly supervised eight or even ten year old to have her own cell phone. But I can also sympathise with my daughter and understand the peer pressure to which she is being exposed. Peer pressure is the most lethal weapon in the lives of our youngsters and it’s up to us, as parents, to diffuse their power and help our kids to recognise what it is and how it works.

This is what we did to diffuse the situation. I’m not saying it’s perfect, but I certainly think it’s worth giving it a try, because it worked for us:

• The first thing we did was to sit down and talk about why Katy thought she needed a cell phone. We made no value judgements; just let her talk while we listened.
• As we expected, Katy didn’t have any really valid reasons, but we made notes and then repeated her points back to her. It was a matter-of-fact and quite adult conversation. We didn’t judge or belittle her points, just reiterated them so that she could hear them again objectively.
• Between us, we drew up a simple chart of reasons for and against owning a cell phone, again keeping the tone neutral and objective. We ended up with about five points under each heading which gave the chart a nice, visual balance.
• We then worked through the points on the chart, systematically discussing them and wiping the ones that didn’t hold up to closer scrutiny.

In the end it was Katy who decided she really didn’t need a cell phone just yet. She settled for a sleep-over party for her best friends and an agreement to re-open discussions about cell phones in two years’ time.